“Happiness consists in activity. It is a running stream, not a stagnant pool.” John Mason Good
When you casually ask people what they want more of or what they want out of life, they often answer “happiness”. Happiness can seem like this elusive life goal; sometimes we have it, sometimes we don’t. What is it actually? The Merriam-Webster dictionary says that happiness is a state of well-being and contentment, equal to joy.
The Illusion of Circumstantial Happiness
There is a strange paradox here; if so many of us want happiness, how come so few actually have it? We often hear that people are less happy than they used to be, that more and more people are diagnosed with depression and anxiety. At the same time, the Internet and popular culture are flush with information on how to find happiness, and if there is something we do not lack in today’s world, it is information and how-to guides.
So where is the disconnect?
Perhaps we have been looking for happiness in the wrong places. One main reason may be that, despite all the memes and quotes to the contrary, happiness is not found. I had often thought of happiness as something that could be found in my circumstances. I engaged in a lot of “if only” thinking. If only I got that job, moved to that city, made that trip, lost that weight, etc...
Research shows that this kind of thinking often leads us down the wrong path because our life circumstances can be both joyous and hard, some of it is just pure luck, and much of it lies outside our control. Circumstances such as where we are born, who our parents are, natural disasters, geopolitical conflicts, our health, and even how we look lie outside our control.
Some circumstances we may be able to change; we can change jobs, move to a new city, lose weight, but research shows that even if that gives us a boost of happiness, we as humans tend to adapt quickly to our circumstances and it does not give us a lasting sense of happiness. On top of it, changing those circumstances can also be difficult, impractical, and costly.
Lyubomirsky writes, in her book “The How of Happiness”, that changing our circumstances can make us feel happier for a bit, but then we seem to return to our set point. She argues that happiness is 50% a genetic set point that is different for everyone, 10% is our life circumstances, and 40% lies in our behavior; what we actually do and think.
Happiness it seems is created.
Cultivating Happiness: The Power of Our Choices
Instead of focusing on our circumstances, Lyubomirsky’s research shows that we should focus on our behaviors. In her book “The How of Happiness,” she identifies twelve key activities that can boost happiness, such as cultivating gratitude, nurturing relationships, and setting goals.
I have to admit that sometimes when I read posts like this myself, I am filled with a sense of ick. It all seems so oversimplified and hokey. When I started delving into this area, I found myself often rolling my eyes and feeling almost embarrassed that I was even contemplating doing these exercises. I was, therefore, very relieved and, yes, happy to see that even Lyubomirsky returns to the issue of how corny all this can seem throughout her book.
I started to slowly and reluctantly try some of the activities and, to my surprise, they worked. So now I want to share them with you. Over the next twelve months, I will be diving into each of these areas in greater detail, offering practical insights on how to incorporate them into your daily life.
I leave you with this quote by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (who developed the theory of Flow, more on that to come!).
"It [happiness] is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but rather, on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person."
Sources:
Lyubomirsky, Sonja (2007). The How of Happiness. A Scientific Approach To Getting The Life You Want. The Penguin Press.
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly (1990). Flow. Harper Perennial.
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